THE CLINK, TOWER OF LONDON & MUMMIES (DAY 28)

Monday, our third day in London, was the city's first in months without any upcoming Olympic celebrations or events on which to focus. It was interesting to walk around areas that had been filled with fans and vendors only a day before and see structures, booths and signs being unceremoniously torn down and removed. The Olympic rings still hung from the Tower Bridge, however, and we got to see them raise along with the bridge to allow a clipper with sails flying to pass underneath. Even hardened Londoners were stopping to snap photos of the sight.  



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In the morning, we visited the notorious Clink Prison on the south bank, where we were treated to all sorts of medieval torture devices and tales of captives' misery and woe. The Clink, a nickname for jails still used by English speakers today, was established in 1144 and got its name from the sound of the blacksmith's hammer closing the irons around the wrists or ankles of prisoners. 



Quinn was very apprehensive as we swung open the heavy, creaky wooden door to explore the dark halls of the museum. Posed figures and wall placards told tales of filth and terror endured by both upper and lower class malefactors. Once Quinn felt reassured that we would eventually be released, we all reveled in the surprisingly hands-on experience the various rooms offered. 

- EXPLICIT DETAILS BELOW - 

We were able to pick up and feel the effects of thumbscrews and a leg iron with a ball attached.



Here Quinn imagines the damage this swinging mace could do while the boys hold a pair of head restraints used to punish gossips. This "light" punishment for women forced the wearer to endure the heavy headgear complete with a spiked tongue depressor as they were paraded about town. 


Another humiliating punishment were the stocks which were used for unscrupulous traders in the stock market, butchers who sold raw meat, bakers who baked sawdust into their bread or little boys who peed all over the toilet and bathroom floor at the Holiday Inn Express. 



The stocks were better than the pillory since at least an offender's upper body was free to facilitate evasive maneuvers to more easily dodge the rotten vegetables, feces and dead animals that people threw at them.

We learned about the way a prisoner's flesh would fall of his body after a few days in the sewage-filled Hole. We saw how criminals' bodies were left to dangle from the gibbet for the ravens to pick at after they were hung and covered with pitch for preservation. We read about the way hangings progressed from a half hour of slow strangulation (friends could help things along by yanking on the condemned, giving us the phrase "pulling your leg"to the quicker method of dropping the victim from a height to break his neck.



Of course, that kind of consideration wasn't always shown if torture was undertaken in an effort to get a confession. Some prisoners were subjected to pressing; a thick door was laid over their spread-eagle body and huge weights were added until ribs were broken and the stubborn individual was near suffocation. Others endured water torture during which they were tied down and forced to drink large quantities of water, urine or bile until their stomach was filled to near bursting. Then they were beaten until they vomited and the whole process was begun anew. People were killed by being burned at the stake (green wood was undesirable as victims would pass out from the smoke and weren't conscious as the flames set in) or were tossed into a vat of boiling water. Others were hung, disemboweled, then cut into quarters - not necessarily in that order. Kneeling in front of an ax-weilding executioner with your neck on a block of wood was easily the quickest and most merciful way to pay the ultimate price.



All that being said, the museum was kid-friendly and the information was presented in a straightforward and educational manner. Such atrocities are a part of our history and it's important to learn how people were once treated before human rights finally began to take hold in most civilized places around the world 200 years ago. I have a bit of a morbid side so I was hoping to find such a place when we first planned our trip to London and it was everything I could've asked for. The kids got into it and were even rewarded with lollipops for accurately counting the rats throughout the galleries! 



In the end, I came through on my promise and we were released to head to the Tower to see jewels and armor and bear witness to more tales of captivity and torture.

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We spent three hours roaming the grounds of Her Majesty's Royal Palace and Fortress, more commonly known as the Tower of London. 




Founded in 1066, the Tower has served as a royal residence and defensive fortification, an armory, a treasury, a menagerie housing exotic animals, the home of the Royal Mint, a public records office and home of the Crown Jewels of the United Kingdom. Several of the towers housed prisoners in the site's thousand-year history, some in astonishing comfort and others less so. Many left their mark in often heart-wrenching graffiti carved into the walls. This intricate zodiacal chart and calendar was made by one Hew Draper in May of 1561. 



We learned about the various ways the fortress was defended and read about the only time it was overrun during the Peasant's Revolt of 1381.



Before entering the Jewel House to view the royal treasures, we enjoyed watching a ceremonial sentry run through his regimented paces. The guards are regular Army soldiers and enjoy these duties between deployments around the world.



Unfortunately, no photos are allowed throughout the Crown Jewel exhibition so I am unable to share that part of our tour but the shimmering symbols of monarchy which included 400 years of gilded and jewel-encrusted crowns, scepters, swords, orbs and anointing regalia were truly awe-inspiring. 

Next we made our way next into the central White Tower to view the tremendous collection of armor and weaponry. Among the many suits of armor is this jousting ensemble worn by King Henry VIII, complete with giant codpiece.



Anne Boleyn was beheaded in 1536 on or around this spot where a monument stands today. The center of the table holds a glass pillow like the one that would have been placed underneath the executioner's block. 


The Wakefield Tower houses the torture display and includes a full rack. In case you didn't get your fill in the section above, you'll be pleased to see an example of the device on which people were tied with their arms and legs stretched out. The wheels were gradually ratcheted to stretch victims and inflict terrible pain on the joints.



Some chroniclers have said the torture inflicted by the rack pales in comparison to the more portable scavenger's daughter which did had just the opposite effect by binding the victim in a compressed position.


In case children didn't get their fill of the graphic displays, the gift shop at the Tower offers these whimsical little folding paper models. Shoppers can choose between the beheading activity set and the rack action play kit. Click to see them in their full animatronic glory.




Needless to say, after such a gruesome morning, we were famished. We couldn't resist, so we set out for the second day in a row to enjoy another dim sum lunch in Chinatown. The kids were even bolder and Vaughn in particular enjoyed speaking to our server in Mandarin. But Chinatown is not all roasted ducks and squids hanging in the windows. One side street also features the KuKlub, which is licensed to 3 AM and has won some major awards. 


On our way to the Underground we passed by a bunch of commotion which turned out to be the red-carpet London premier of The Expendables 2. We were unable to see over the four-deep crowd but we could hear the shouts as Sly and the guys made their entrances.


Our last big stop of the day was the British Museum where admission is free unless you care to make a donation.

  Homer: And uh, what if I wish to pay ... zero?
  Clerk: That is up to you.
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  Homer: Well, anything you say! Good luck, lady, you're gonna need it!

Fortunately, enough people who haven't thrown their money away on sleazy museums of death are willing to make contributions to keep this higher institution of death accessible to all. Keeping in theme, we went straight for the Egyptian wing and were blown away by the vast collection of mummies and mummy-related items.


An excellent display on how mummies were preserved culminated in one of many examples of a mummified body; this one was 3,000 years old (!) and, like many others, still had hair, teeth and nails.




If mummification was a way to bring eternal life to the deceased, the process must be deemed a success in a way.



I was also thrilled to realize that the museum contains the Rosetta stone and the kids and I enjoyed the opportunity to see it in person and learn more about it. The stone contains a decree issued by King Ptolemy I in 196 BC written in triplicate in Egyptian hieroglyphics, demotic script and ancient Greek. Before the discovery of the stone in 1799, hieroglyphics had been indecipherable. On display in the British Museum since 1802, the Rosetta Stone led to today's ability to read ancient Egyptian inscriptions and literature confidently.



As a final nod to the Olympic games, we were also pleased to fight through the crowd to get a great look at an example of a pair of gold medals from the 2012 Games.


Exhausted from our biggest day of sightseeing and already mentally composing what (I hope) will probably be the longest post of the entire blog, we hopped on yet another London icon and enjoyed the view from the upper level of a double-decker bus on the ride back to our hotel.


PORTE DE HAL, EVENING OUT, ANDERLICHT (DAYS 17,18)

On Thursday morning, we used the now-functioning washing machine in our parking garage to get through a couple of loads of laundry before finally exploring the Porte de Hal, a fortified gate just down the street from us that was built in 1381 as part of the the second city wall that once protected Brussels. The wall and the six other gates have long since disappeared, but this one survived through the years as a prison, customs house, granary, church and now a museum. The view on the left is the outside that once included a portcullis and drawbridge over a moat while the image on the right shows the city side. 


Around 1870, the inner tower and many embellishments were added including a vertigo-inducing spiral staircase surrounding by statuettes of knights and other medieval figures. Here's a view looking up from floor to ceiling, which I preferred over leaning out to get the opposing view.


The galleries included several suits of armor and a lot of weaponry including hand cannons, pikes, axes and crossbows as well as prison items such as the restraining devices and branding iron shown here.


We even got to try on some of the armor and practice doing battle with our souvenir swords. Here Xander illustrates the advantage of being right-handed on a spiral staircase designed to benefit the defending troops.


It was fascinating to see in person the clever ways the fortress was designed to help the people of Brussels defend themselves against external attacks in the Middle Ages. We enjoyed imagining fighting off invading troops by dropping stones and pouring boiling oil on their heads from the hatches built into the floors and towers.


The kids were much more willing than I to lean out for the archers' views of the city streets and they were very accommodating as I hugged the walls to traverse the walkways a dizzying five stories above the pavement below. 


Oddly, one floor was filled with an intriguing exhibit of wire-framed paper sculptures that, delightfully, included the figure below as well as a large, phallic dirigible hanging from the rafters.


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So an Australian, a Belgian, a Colombian and an American walk into a bar. The American says, "Let's order one of those beer towers!" Then, uh, well, that's all I can remember...


I enjoyed a fun guys' night out with friends Warren, Frank and Carlos on Thursday evening. We enjoyed some good food and drinks and a lot of laughs on the patio of an Irish bar overlooking the Brussels Stock Exchange building before grabbing some late-night fries on the way back home. My hosts made sure we stopped by the Jannekin Pis statue, a 1980's work of art (?) that serves as a sister to the famous Mannekin Pis. Here's a G-rated shot, courtesy of a well-positioned protective bar. 


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On Friday, confident we had truly conquered the mysteries of the Metro, the kids and I boarded a subway train to head west to visit a centuries-old Gothic house known as the Erasmus House. While we successfully navigated a line switch and ended up at the end of the track in Erasmus, I had neglected to confirm that the Erasmus house was actually in Erasmus. So after a brief, fruitless expedition through the town, I finally turned on my iPhone roaming feature to di$cover that we should have gotten off six stops earlier in Anderlecht. Fortunately, our brief visit wasn't a total loss as we got to see this mural on a bridge wall near the Metro stop. 


Upon arriving in Anderlecht, we raced through the streets to reach the museum before closing and were pleased to find that we had almost two hours to enjoy both the Erasmus House and the nearby Beguinage for one admission. A Beguinage is a small home constructed between 1252 and the 17th century for widows of crusaders and Catholic lay sisters known as Beguines. The house we saw dated from 1603 and included a variety of objects of archaeological and religious interest and local history artifacts documenting a thousand years of Anderlecht's past.



One object of special interest was this cabinet which holds a series of cut-out prints on horizontal slots to provide a three-dimensional image when viewed through a lens and mirror on the opposite side. While this offers a visitor of today little more than a moment's whimsy, it is easy to imagine the hours of entertainment this doubtlessly extravagant item of the time would have provided.


Next up was the Erasmus House, so called because of the brief period the classical scholar and humanist reformer Desiderious Erasmus Roterodamus (1466-1536) lived there.


As early as the 17th century people were making pilgrimages to the grounds which today shelter a museum, a study center with early manuscripts of Erasmus' works and a historical garden. The house has been restored to look the way it did in 1521, the year the Renaissance philosopher arrived, complete with creaky, uneven wooden floors and touches such as a servant's peephole and an outdoor fountain for carriage horses. 


A variety of artifacts are presented in the setting of ornate furniture and artworks. In addition to the paintings and sketches that tell the story of the man and his life, we enjoyed looking at shelf after shelf of ancient books, some displayed open with hand-written marginalia.


The garden behind the house was designed in the late 1980's around existing structures to provide a botanical history of the time. The beautifully manicured grounds include about a hundred medicinal plants that were commonly used in the 16th century as well as a series of cartographic flowerbeds designed to illustrate Erasmus' journeys and a philosophical area supposedly conducive to reflecting on the human condition. The kids found it more conducive to playing tag.


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I won't be forgiven if I fail to mention the lady who tried to cram herself into the closing doors of the subway on the way home. She ignored the many signs warning one not to do so and as the alarm sounded and the doors squeezed together she was stuck half in and half out. Without a word from anybody involved, two other passengers gave a half-hearted effort to prop the doors open. I was about to shove her out for her own safety since she was neither trying to extricate herself or slip through; she just kind of stood there looking around. Finally the mechanism forced the doors shut and she was ejected back onto the platform...but the sleeve of sweater that was tied around her waist was stuck in the door! I thought we were going to witness a death but we were all relieved to see the garment come loose as the train sped away with her sweater flapping in the breeze. It was surreal as no one else seemed to think it was much of a big deal but it served as a memorable safety reminder for the kids.

To end on a happy (and somewhat neurotic) note, we love the un-canned vegetables here that come in jars! We avoid canned food at home because BPA and phthalates from the plastic lining inside the cans can leach hormone-disrupting chemicals into the food. I hope that American suppliers make the switch soon.


We head off for a couple of day trips this weekend with Monschau, Germany on Saturday and Luxembourg City on Sunday. Read all about it right here!