THE CLINK, TOWER OF LONDON & MUMMIES (DAY 28)

Monday, our third day in London, was the city's first in months without any upcoming Olympic celebrations or events on which to focus. It was interesting to walk around areas that had been filled with fans and vendors only a day before and see structures, booths and signs being unceremoniously torn down and removed. The Olympic rings still hung from the Tower Bridge, however, and we got to see them raise along with the bridge to allow a clipper with sails flying to pass underneath. Even hardened Londoners were stopping to snap photos of the sight.  



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In the morning, we visited the notorious Clink Prison on the south bank, where we were treated to all sorts of medieval torture devices and tales of captives' misery and woe. The Clink, a nickname for jails still used by English speakers today, was established in 1144 and got its name from the sound of the blacksmith's hammer closing the irons around the wrists or ankles of prisoners. 



Quinn was very apprehensive as we swung open the heavy, creaky wooden door to explore the dark halls of the museum. Posed figures and wall placards told tales of filth and terror endured by both upper and lower class malefactors. Once Quinn felt reassured that we would eventually be released, we all reveled in the surprisingly hands-on experience the various rooms offered. 

- EXPLICIT DETAILS BELOW - 

We were able to pick up and feel the effects of thumbscrews and a leg iron with a ball attached.



Here Quinn imagines the damage this swinging mace could do while the boys hold a pair of head restraints used to punish gossips. This "light" punishment for women forced the wearer to endure the heavy headgear complete with a spiked tongue depressor as they were paraded about town. 


Another humiliating punishment were the stocks which were used for unscrupulous traders in the stock market, butchers who sold raw meat, bakers who baked sawdust into their bread or little boys who peed all over the toilet and bathroom floor at the Holiday Inn Express. 



The stocks were better than the pillory since at least an offender's upper body was free to facilitate evasive maneuvers to more easily dodge the rotten vegetables, feces and dead animals that people threw at them.

We learned about the way a prisoner's flesh would fall of his body after a few days in the sewage-filled Hole. We saw how criminals' bodies were left to dangle from the gibbet for the ravens to pick at after they were hung and covered with pitch for preservation. We read about the way hangings progressed from a half hour of slow strangulation (friends could help things along by yanking on the condemned, giving us the phrase "pulling your leg"to the quicker method of dropping the victim from a height to break his neck.



Of course, that kind of consideration wasn't always shown if torture was undertaken in an effort to get a confession. Some prisoners were subjected to pressing; a thick door was laid over their spread-eagle body and huge weights were added until ribs were broken and the stubborn individual was near suffocation. Others endured water torture during which they were tied down and forced to drink large quantities of water, urine or bile until their stomach was filled to near bursting. Then they were beaten until they vomited and the whole process was begun anew. People were killed by being burned at the stake (green wood was undesirable as victims would pass out from the smoke and weren't conscious as the flames set in) or were tossed into a vat of boiling water. Others were hung, disemboweled, then cut into quarters - not necessarily in that order. Kneeling in front of an ax-weilding executioner with your neck on a block of wood was easily the quickest and most merciful way to pay the ultimate price.



All that being said, the museum was kid-friendly and the information was presented in a straightforward and educational manner. Such atrocities are a part of our history and it's important to learn how people were once treated before human rights finally began to take hold in most civilized places around the world 200 years ago. I have a bit of a morbid side so I was hoping to find such a place when we first planned our trip to London and it was everything I could've asked for. The kids got into it and were even rewarded with lollipops for accurately counting the rats throughout the galleries! 



In the end, I came through on my promise and we were released to head to the Tower to see jewels and armor and bear witness to more tales of captivity and torture.

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We spent three hours roaming the grounds of Her Majesty's Royal Palace and Fortress, more commonly known as the Tower of London. 




Founded in 1066, the Tower has served as a royal residence and defensive fortification, an armory, a treasury, a menagerie housing exotic animals, the home of the Royal Mint, a public records office and home of the Crown Jewels of the United Kingdom. Several of the towers housed prisoners in the site's thousand-year history, some in astonishing comfort and others less so. Many left their mark in often heart-wrenching graffiti carved into the walls. This intricate zodiacal chart and calendar was made by one Hew Draper in May of 1561. 



We learned about the various ways the fortress was defended and read about the only time it was overrun during the Peasant's Revolt of 1381.



Before entering the Jewel House to view the royal treasures, we enjoyed watching a ceremonial sentry run through his regimented paces. The guards are regular Army soldiers and enjoy these duties between deployments around the world.



Unfortunately, no photos are allowed throughout the Crown Jewel exhibition so I am unable to share that part of our tour but the shimmering symbols of monarchy which included 400 years of gilded and jewel-encrusted crowns, scepters, swords, orbs and anointing regalia were truly awe-inspiring. 

Next we made our way next into the central White Tower to view the tremendous collection of armor and weaponry. Among the many suits of armor is this jousting ensemble worn by King Henry VIII, complete with giant codpiece.



Anne Boleyn was beheaded in 1536 on or around this spot where a monument stands today. The center of the table holds a glass pillow like the one that would have been placed underneath the executioner's block. 


The Wakefield Tower houses the torture display and includes a full rack. In case you didn't get your fill in the section above, you'll be pleased to see an example of the device on which people were tied with their arms and legs stretched out. The wheels were gradually ratcheted to stretch victims and inflict terrible pain on the joints.



Some chroniclers have said the torture inflicted by the rack pales in comparison to the more portable scavenger's daughter which did had just the opposite effect by binding the victim in a compressed position.


In case children didn't get their fill of the graphic displays, the gift shop at the Tower offers these whimsical little folding paper models. Shoppers can choose between the beheading activity set and the rack action play kit. Click to see them in their full animatronic glory.




Needless to say, after such a gruesome morning, we were famished. We couldn't resist, so we set out for the second day in a row to enjoy another dim sum lunch in Chinatown. The kids were even bolder and Vaughn in particular enjoyed speaking to our server in Mandarin. But Chinatown is not all roasted ducks and squids hanging in the windows. One side street also features the KuKlub, which is licensed to 3 AM and has won some major awards. 


On our way to the Underground we passed by a bunch of commotion which turned out to be the red-carpet London premier of The Expendables 2. We were unable to see over the four-deep crowd but we could hear the shouts as Sly and the guys made their entrances.


Our last big stop of the day was the British Museum where admission is free unless you care to make a donation.

  Homer: And uh, what if I wish to pay ... zero?
  Clerk: That is up to you.
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  Homer: Well, anything you say! Good luck, lady, you're gonna need it!

Fortunately, enough people who haven't thrown their money away on sleazy museums of death are willing to make contributions to keep this higher institution of death accessible to all. Keeping in theme, we went straight for the Egyptian wing and were blown away by the vast collection of mummies and mummy-related items.


An excellent display on how mummies were preserved culminated in one of many examples of a mummified body; this one was 3,000 years old (!) and, like many others, still had hair, teeth and nails.




If mummification was a way to bring eternal life to the deceased, the process must be deemed a success in a way.



I was also thrilled to realize that the museum contains the Rosetta stone and the kids and I enjoyed the opportunity to see it in person and learn more about it. The stone contains a decree issued by King Ptolemy I in 196 BC written in triplicate in Egyptian hieroglyphics, demotic script and ancient Greek. Before the discovery of the stone in 1799, hieroglyphics had been indecipherable. On display in the British Museum since 1802, the Rosetta Stone led to today's ability to read ancient Egyptian inscriptions and literature confidently.



As a final nod to the Olympic games, we were also pleased to fight through the crowd to get a great look at an example of a pair of gold medals from the 2012 Games.


Exhausted from our biggest day of sightseeing and already mentally composing what (I hope) will probably be the longest post of the entire blog, we hopped on yet another London icon and enjoyed the view from the upper level of a double-decker bus on the ride back to our hotel.


WELCOME TO LONDON (DAYS 25, 26)


We reached London on Friday evening after our first high-speed train ride. We crossed from Calais, France to Great Britain via the Chunnel and the most exciting thing I can say about that is that it was dark. 

The "jolly good" greeting we got as we made our way through immigration told us immediately that we were in a much friendlier atmosphere than the one we left behind. The hosts were enthusiastically "brilliant" in every sense of the word throughout our entire visit to London. 



By the time we completed our first successful navigation of The Underground and struggled our way through a few bouncing-ball-GPS false starts with suitcases and backpacks in tow to finally arrive at our hotel, it was too late to hit a pub. However, we did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night and the front desk was well equipped.

SATURDAY
The next morning, we hit the first of our four hotel breakfasts and found out why beans and toast - with a dash of Worschetershire sauce - are a staple of the English diet. It's yummy and they definitely give you a burst of energy (and a multitude of smaller bursts throughout the late morning and early afternoon). 

We set out for a stroll west along the south bank of the Thames on the Queen's Walk with an eye toward getting on the London Eye, the European landmark that Quinn was most excited to visit as we planned our trip months ago. 



On the way to the Eye we were pleased to find that London was pulling its international weight when it came to statuesque statuary.


The giant (and thankfully enclosed) Ferris wheel also didn't disappoint, offering a spectacular view of the city and giving us a birds-eye view of many of the landmarks on our must-see list.


We walked by Westminster Abbey and the Bell Tower (look, kids, Big Ben!) but we opted to keep moving as the lines were pretty long and we wanted to head toward the Olympic-sounding cheers we could hear emanating from Hyde Park. One of the many eager, smiling and helpful volunteers directed us toward the fountain at Buckingham Palace where were were able to experience the thrill of our first live, in-person Olympic event…the men's 50 K race walking event. Man it was some intense walking.

We watched for about five minutes before hoofing it - faster, I think, than a few of the athletes we had just witnessed thanks to some full bladders - to a Westminster Arms, a classic English pub where we shared fish and chips and a steak and ale pie along with a couple of pints for the adults.



We went Underground with growing confidence to ride the rails to Potters Fields in the shadow of the Tower Bridge where a large screen was set up for Olympic viewing.


After enjoying ice cream and some Olympic coverage with a great view of the Tower of London across the Thames, we wanted an ever better look so we made our way across the bridge on foot.


We got great exterior views of the castle walls including a glimpse at the remnants of an 11th century gate before making our way around to today's outer gate called the Middle Tower, the looming presence of which was once made all the more intimidating by the sound of lions from the royal menagerie growling from the interior. 



But more on the Tower later. After a break at the hotel we went to Piccadilly Circus, the Times Square of London, where we emerged from the Underground just as the starter's pistol fired to begin the women's 4x400 relay. Team USA's gold-medal performance was our first chance to whip out our Stars and Stripes and whoop it up with some of our fellow countrymen.



We then enjoyed a deliciously spicy Indian meal before turning a corner and finding ourselves in the middle of Chinatown. We explored the streets for awhile and forced our kids to communicate with some shop owners for our pleasure before heading toward Trafalgar Square where we came upon the drunken revelry of the fans of Team Mexico celebrating their gold-medal soccer victory over Brazil. We had one final cool sight on the way home for the evening as we strolled past a swank balcony party being held at the Russian team's headquarters.

Traveling like this in such close quarters can either make a family stronger or make each member want to sit in a dark closet by him- or herself.  It seems to be having a pretty good effect on the kids. Either that or they're banding together in unity to withstand the constant sightseeing onslaught.


If you need me, check the closet.